My Take On The Double-Take

Lately I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting looks in public, and not necessarily the good kind. As I move through public spaces, I tend to keep my head up and make eye contact with others I pass by. It has always been important to me to hold me head up rather than shrink, hide or demure. Jordan Peterson even has a rule about this. Act as if I’m somebody who matters is roughly what he says.

One of the challenges in this approach is that one can sense whether they (pc pronoun use) are being generally approved of- accepted or rejected on appearance. I’m a very visually oriented person, so I’m keen on the give and take of these visual signals. In my head, it’s, “ How do I look? How am I doing? How am I being received?” This informal polling data will guide my future fashion choices.

So as the season has turned chilly, I’ve been searching for my Winter Look. The clothes, coats, pants I will be wearing this season. Part of this season’s styling for me is the wig and hat. Hats are warm, and I’ve been experimenting with having some hair peeking out in front rather than just pulling a cap over my melon. Apparently, this look gets noticed, resulting in what I call the double-take. The double-take describes a casual glance, followed by a quick verifying second glance, and often an attempt to conceal the surprise.

The first glance, I expect; The second, I notice; and the attempt to conceal, I appreciate. But I noticed the double-take, and I’m rather fascinated by it. What is it, specifically, that is causing this momentary rejection, or at least questioning, of my visual presentation? Are my fashion choices really so divergent from the mainstream?

I’ve been through this before. Many times in my life I’ve decided to present this-or-that image to the world, based on my personal enjoyment of it, then discovering that it stands out perhaps too much. Colored hair, platform shoes, tight pants, loose pants, handmade or embellished shirts; I’ve rocked them all. As a social experiment, I should be glad people notice, right? But I have an uneasy relationship at times with my general lack of basic acceptance and even anonymity. I have to wear something, and I’m not drawn to looking exactly like everyone else. If I’m going to work at something, I should be happy with the result.

I once went to a Circuit Party in NYC, wearing what I thought was thematically a clever and fashion-forward outfit, only to discover that I had misjudged the creative limits of the crowd. Out of sheer boredom I stood near a stairway and counted 200 people wearing basically the exact same outfit. Their look involved Levis, no shirt, leather harness or hat, maybe, and boots. My version was more goth: black frayed-bottom flared Levis, spandex and mesh t-shirt embellished with rope details criss-crossing the chest, platform boots and smokey eye makeup. Variation on the theme, I thought, but clone was the real theme. Gay crowds tend to the clonish.

Then, as now, I noticed the response. I survive. I know you know that I’m wearing a wig. I often make little jokes about it so people know I know. I’ll say I’m Flipping my wig, or is my hair on straight?..that sort of thing. I never, ever call out that plenty of other people in public wear wigs or perhaps shave their heads in direct response to going bald. But I’m not trying to trick anyone or beg for attention. I just enjoy exploring different ways of visually presenting myself to the world. We can’t all be naturally attractive. Sometimes looking cheap takes work.

So take a second glance, I guess. Don’t be shy.