As Not Seen on TV

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Here at the end of my relationship, I’ve been thinking a lot about the beginning. I blame TV.

I’ve been watching this YouTube Original show, Single By 30. The tension in the show, as often is the case, is the back and forth of two people who clearly want to be together. Why does TV always do that? I can’t help comparing the central relationship with my own. 

Bob and I never did the back and forth thing. I was in right from the start. Pretty much. I almost chickened out once. Bob wouldn’t let me break up with him. I used to always say, when telling this story, “Bet he’s kickin’ himself in the ass, now!” 26, almost-27 years later, it still made sense. 

On TV, the characters go back and forth, agonize over mistakes, even date other people to figure out what they want. We didn’t do that. I dunno; it doesn’t look fun. We just went all in. I have to admit though, that even commitment doesn’t look like it does on TV. 

In real life, there are long periods of stasis. Day in, day out, things just kind of stay the same. A routine develops, and years can go by without any real drama. TV shows have to have some problem, some conflict, that magically resolves itself by the end of the hour. Relationships can take an entire season to come together, and almost immediately problems arise. 

Bob and I used to scoff at the conflicts in onscreen relationships as if the resolution was utterly simple. It was simple to us. Get over it. Pout, throw a tantrum, but make the conscious choice to forgive and move on. Or would you prefer to be single? Old, alone and back to square one. 

I don’t see losing Bob via illness and death in the same way as when people break up, obviously. But as wrong as it would be to view it as a break-up, it would also be wrong to assume we were bonded in this epic love affair, ripped apart by tragic fate. That would be how TV or movies might present it.

Everything that was not so great played and replayed in my mind at the end. Mistakes were made. Conflicts existed. There was guilt and remorse. More than once, Bob was mean to me in the hospital and I threatened to walk out the door, never to return. What a great cliffhanger that would be for the season finale.

But life is not TV. I was losing Bob, and had already lost the promise of our future together. I’m not sure how the script would have been written, but I wasn’t going anywhere. This time I wouldn’t let me bail. Not great TV. Just life. Get over it. 







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