Bargain Hunters Rejoice!

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I sold an item today that was a gift from Bob. It was never used, still in the box, and has been in storage. Despite this, I’m feeling guilty about it.

I’ve mentioned previously that Bob was not required to give me gifts, but occasionally he’d see me admiring something, and then quite by surprise it would end up under the tree. I was always charmed that he could actually surprise me in this way.

This really only occurred a few times in 26 years, which is fine. One of my favorite surprise gifts was a crepe pan. Talk about the gift that gives back- oh the many crepes I served him that year! But I enjoy simple little gifts, because I’m so picky that elaborate gifts often leave me cold. If you’re going all out, why give something I don’t like? You have my permission to just skip it.

The item in question is more elaborate than I would prefer. It’s a home silkscreen making machine. And it seems to me they cost $300. I could be wrong on that. Hope so. I happened to point it out while we were shopping and at the time I was making stencil-lettered t-shirts. That Christmas it ended up under the tree. Surprise!

Fickle creature that I am, I really didn’t want to do silk screening. I enjoyed the low-tech nature of stencil and block-printed lettering; the touch of a hand in our high tech world. So I never even tried it. I know Bob was disappointed, but I just wasn’t feeling it. It languished in the basement, then moved to the storage locker and I posted it on Facebook Marketplace. We won’t talk about the low selling price.

I’ve parted with many cherished items lately, so what’s one more? But this has been a particularly difficult time for me in general in terms of missing Bob. This week I’ve probably spent more time in bed than awake. Bob is gone. Nearly everything from our life together is gone. My chance to impress him with some amazingly artistic screen-printed shirt made with the machine he gave me is also gone. Worst of all, as an investment this was a total loss.

I can say this now, because there’s no Bob to be hurt by it: I never liked that machine. I didn’t want it, and he shouldn’t have spent the money. He was so careful with money, I feel guilty that he wasted so much on this. Not that it matters now. What matters is that he was good to me; that he cared. After a hard day of work he would fawn over some simple project I had done during his absence. He noticed me, and sometimes he couldn’t help but notice that I had let him down.

Too late to change things now. I’m still so grateful to have had Bob in my life. He was good to me. He believed in my talent and creativity. I just hope I was a good investment. And I hope the new owners make some amazing art with their bargain-basement screen printing machine!

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