Gear Shift Levers, Amiright?
I’ve since owned 2 Devilles, a 2000 and currently a 2005. The 2000 didn’t have this issue. The 2005 does. So why am I going on about this given that I still adore the car? Here’s why: Cars are weird. American cars especially. After 100 years of making them, they don’t work well, don’t last, have idiosyncrasies, a.k.a. flaws, and just cost way too much to own and maintain. Why is it then that I can’t resist them?
Over the last year I may have had 8 or 10 used cars. This is too many, I know, but I’d be drawn to some car and once I owned it little things would annoy me. Maybe the power outlets didn’t work, trunk lid didn’t pop open far enough to get my fingers under it, couldn’t get alignment right, or some rattle or squeak couldn’t be tracked down. So I’d bail. I’d sell the car and find something else. Some new set of latent defects on wheels to discover.
Used cars always need something. Always. Say it with me: EVERY USED CAR NEEDS SOMETHING. Hell, many brand new cars have some defect or failure in the first year. That’s why they have warranties. Recently a potential buyer for one of my three current cars backed out, out of fear that the car might need a repair and she just couldn’t see herself paying $5000 unless it would be trouble-free for the foreseeable future. Yeah. Good luck with that. (See capitalized statement above.) Tire kickers, Amiright?
Given that the average cost of a new car is currently more than $30,000 dollars,why don’t they last longer? Why aren’t the details nailed down? How can carmakers mass produce cars that have poor ergonomics that will bug the driver nearly every time they drive? And why do we reward their mediocrity by consuming the products that fall short?
Until last week I had a Chrysler Town and Country minivan. It seats seven, so I drove Uber with it. I used it to move, since the 2nd and 3rd rows of seats folded down into the floor. The sliding side doors and rear hatch opened at the push of a button and also by remote. Again, it was an impressive vehicle to show up in, being midnight blue with splashes of chrome. But I never entirely liked it. Plus, Chryslers tend to be ticking time bombs in terms of build quality.
The van had power to spare, but the center of gravity was so high it was like riding on a camel’s hump. Ubering with a van, I often got groups of 6 going from bar to bar. They never tip. At 16 mpg, it's kind of tough to do rideshare and make money. Worst of all, nobody could ever operate the power doors correctly. Ever. I got in the habit of insisting on pushing the buttons for them. “No, no, I’ve got it.” Oh, and it would lock people either out or in. But with three cars, the van was gently used and therefor easy to sell. In fact I sold it in an hour.
From three cars to two. I was pretty sure I had the second car sold also. Scion XD. This car I got stuck with. I had no intention of keeping it for myself. Long story. But it was a great value so I expected it to sell right away. I may have underestimated people’s familiarity with the now-defunct spinoff brand of Toyota. I know Toyotas are well built and virtually trouble free. In fact Bob had 2 Corollas in a row and drove nearly half a million miles between the two of them.
This car’s flaw? The radio is wired to pair with an iPod, whatever that is, the dash is counter-intuitive and cumbersome, the hatchback never seems to unlock when I ask it to. Oh, and the car may be cursed. Like Christine. It loves only me.
Car number 3? Scion IQ. Don’t be fooled by the name. It may be the most bone-headed Toyota ever. I adore it tho. It runs great and REALLY gets noticed. But it makes no sense. It’s 10 feet long, but gets less than 30 mpg. It has 4 seats, but the rears are unuseable. Perhaps if it were 10’6” humans could sit there. The unusable seats have seatbelts and cupholders tho. The hatch on this one also has a finicky lock. And the open height of the hatch is just above sight line, meaning that I’ll bonk my head pretty much every time I access cargo.
The IQ is dark, also. DARK. The only interior light in the mostly black interior is the size of a dime. Speaking of lights, the headlights don’t come on automatically. I drove without lights often till I got used to turning them on. There’s an add-on cruise control, but the location of the stalk to operate it cannot be seen from the driver’s seat. I had to memorize the button locations.
So there’s IQ for fun, Cadillac to pamper me while I drive Uber, and XD cuz nobody recognizes its greatness except me. This one probably works best for Uber/Lyft also, cuz it’s roomy, economical and easy for riders to spot. I can’t give it away, and can’t sell it, so I’ll just keep it for now.
So the widower in the 1 bedroom apartment has 3 cars. None is perfect. Each has its oddities. Each has captured my heart. Knowing the quirks and how to deal with them, in some weird way, makes me feel clever. Maybe that’s why people love these inexplicable contraptions so much. Keeping a car roadworthy and operating it successfully is like doing a crossword puzzle in ink. High stakes, high reward.
The latest challenge I never thought I’d solve but eventually did? How to park 3 cars in the space of 2 so any can be accessed without shuffling the others. See, parking is at a premium here to say the least. So far my neighbors have been exceptionally patient.
So far...
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