Much Ado, Even A Convention, About Nothing
Held in the historic Hilton Netherland Plaza Hotel downtown on Easter weekend, I had high hopes of meeting and mingling with like-minded people, maybe having a beverage, and meeting some of my favorite Youtubers. even as I was checking in I spotted a few of them. My sheer glee at being there prompted the desk clerk to upgrade me to a fabulous 20th floor corner suite with breathtaking views. And all the attendees sported orange/red lanyards with American Atheist tags as big as Monopoly boards, so I instantly began chatting people up. I almost said “making friends,” but in general my conversations with strangers don’t result in friendship. I generally overstay my welcome or cross some line of decorum that wears out my welcome. Like when I accused a guy’s motive for being there was to “score some of that Atheist poon.” Meh. I thought it might be funny.
In general, this is a crowd that is somewhat hard to shock. But I do go the extra mile in that area. More fragile in general are the Youtubers; the professional Atheist flapping heads. Perhaps all those nonsensical conversations with religious loyalists has caused them to be on guard. But I wanted, nee needed, to meet and speak with as many public Atheists as possible this weekend. You see, beyond the fun and frivolity of a weekend away, I was somewhat on a mission. There is a gospel I needed to preach to those most able to pass it on.
Having followed this current Atheist conversation for the last decade or so, there is a style of Atheism I rarely hear expressed publicly. I was beginning to worry that the movement would never advance. It seems hopelessly mired in the tired old philosophical arguments initially presented by William Lane Craig and his ilk. I’m often surprised when a theist loyalist claims to have “proof” that god exists, only to resort to the double-talk and nonsense pulled directly from Craig’s work. Hits like “There can’t be an infinite number of things; therefore god.” -Huh?
I’m always amazed at how effective these nonsense apologetic dodges are at flummoxing Atheists. The most common response is that the Atheist will run out, study philosophy, the structure of logic, cosmology, evolution, etc, and then comb laboriously through religious texts in order to arm themself with the counter apologetic. They have no idea that in taking these steps, the Atheist has already lost the argument. They have fallen into the trap. You see, these are not conversations about a god.
There is an argument, however, that solves every dilemma a theist loyalist might present, and it is this: Gods do not exist. Period. The gods described in every human religion that happens to include one are fictional and false. Beyond that, they could not exist in the way described. It’s just not a thing. That’s my claim. That’s my worldview, my gospel. No study required. No research. No philosophical analysis.
It is rare to hear the public Atheist advocates express this view. David Silverman latched on to the idea when he stated that there is ZERO evidence ever for the claim. Not just insufficient evidence. There is literally none. After 5000 years or so of cultures swapping versions of these magical tales, all closely related to one another, it is quite silly to now, at a time of humanity’s greatest literacy and knowledge, start pretending it is possible to even suggest that virgin births, winged horses and magic tablets decoded with seer stones could be and are real things. Nobody is this boneheaded.
But the Youtubers all want to have “the conversation.” They claim that one “can’t know for sure,” so better check in one more time with the believer bunch to see what new spin they’ve put on the preposterous. “Until I see the evidence, I can’t be sure,” is what they say. As if some new thing, some fresh data, could come in that had entirely escaped our notice for thousands of years and be sufficient to prove not just a supreme being, not just a creator, but the specific deity described in the book. This data would show us stubborn heathens that every word of the book is true; whichever book, because after all…
Week after week theist loyalists call in or “hang out” claiming to know the words, deeds, thoughts and intentions of a being who just happens to be outside the realm of our detectable reality. So how then do we know the story? They’ll tell us what “He” wants, which tends to differ from what I would want. But they got the Creator on their side, and the big lug just wants a chance to love me and save me from eternity in hell, whatever that means. Nice of the theist loyalist to care, right? Kinda shitty that the boss is too busy to come to me directly.
And it happens again. Did you notice how the god crept into my argument until I was no longer rejecting the idea, just grading the god on a performance scale? It is such an easy trap to fall into. But this isn’t how Atheists live. There is no god and I make no allowances for Him in my daily life. I haven’t turned my back on the god. There just isn’t one. It’s not a thing. The only argument I really need is the Null Hypothesis. It’s not a thing If I can’t experience it directly.
The philosophical “proof” that a god exists? Great! Since you’ve proved it, bring him on out so we can all meet him directly. I mean Him. No? Guess there’s a flaw in your logic. Just admit what you and I both know: It’s not a thing. Somebody has indoctrinated you to be loyal and uphold the lie at all costs, no matter how preposterous. Such loyalty will surely be rewarded.
So I was explaining this higher level of Atheism to a flapping head named Eric, co host of Talk Heathen podcast from the Atheist Community of Austin every Sunday. (A side note: Youtubers tend to be taller than average, unlike gay porn stars who are in general quite short in my experience.) Eric, who in person has the whitest teeth I’ve ever come across, I mean, seriously, kudos to his cosmetic dentist; wanted nothing to do with the simple idea I presented to him. This idea that god is not a thing, that the claims made about the god defy how humans discover and understand anything in the world, and since it is so preposterous, there’s no need for debate. Period. I’m not “open” to conversations implying that the preposterous and undiscoverable is so obviously the most important and true thing which can be known that I’d better just act as if it is true. Atheists can stop debating incidental nonsense so far as I am concerned.
At this point, Eric was no longer “open” to having this conversation with me. But the idea got in. The next day he talked smack about the guy he argued with the night before. I’m that guy. But he walked away. He shut me down. So who is it that is not open here? Job security I guess. Gotta keep having those arguments cuz teeth whitening isn’t free.
There is a bright side to all this sparring I’ve been doing with the “Youtube Atheist Types” as Jordan Peterson might call them. Despite their “openness” to endlessly debating incidental masturbation, the rank-and-file Atheists I met in Cincinnati are much more in agreement with my meta ethic. They and I know and live life without a god because none exists. Rather than combing through ancient texts and science papers, they just live a life. I met and enjoyed speaking with so many of my Atheist peers that it actually changed my view of where all this is going. Turns out they’re just people. They’re not radicals or heathens. It is just obvious to them that the pressure to conform to ancient nonsense in order to feel a part of some existential cool-kids-club is no longer a valuable or relevant way to live. We can and will do better. We have a drive to move beyond ancient nonsense. To discover what is true and valuable.
That’s just evolution.
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